I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
