try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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