just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
