so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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