So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
