For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
