i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My bed smells like the plague
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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