capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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