Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
