hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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