I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
