god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
