Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
