We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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