M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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