just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
