I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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