Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
