why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
