we made out on top of his cat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
