She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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