it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
