Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
