There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
