You can't special order awesome
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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