you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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