I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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