im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We are two peas in an std pod
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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