Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
