dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
