Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
