I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
