im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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