I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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