Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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