After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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