maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
