there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
