They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
