grandma shit on top of the toilet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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