Non-Jews are for practice
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
