is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
