well you can't waste a boner
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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