Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
