we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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