worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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