He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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