If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
