so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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