god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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