while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
