I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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