I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
