Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
