Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
