I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
