i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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