I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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