Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
