Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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