I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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