a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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