There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
