Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
