My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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