I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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