I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
