It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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