I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
