Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
