is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
