yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
