I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
