Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
