i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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