she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
