my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
